Boundary Glossary
Explore our comprehensive dictionary of boundary-related terms to better understand and articulate your experiences.
No. 01Boundary Violations
After Hours
When work-related socialising happens outside official hours, often blurring professional and personal boundaries.
What it looks like
You’re invited to join a team drinks night after work. A senior colleague buys you multiple rounds and makes comments that wouldn’t be appropriate during office hours.
One fifth (20%) of employees in the UK said they disliked after-hours drinks (Acas, 2025).
No. 02Response Tactics
Allyship
An ally is “someone who has your back,” actively supporting and standing up for those facing mistreatment or discrimination. In LGBTQIA+ contexts, it often means people outside the community using their voice, influence, or resources to promote equality and safety. More broadly, it’s about anyone, often from a non-marginalised group, taking action to challenge harmful behaviour and help create safer, more inclusive spaces.
What it looks like
An ally speaks up when a colleague is repeatedly talked over, challenges a team member making inappropriate remarks, and offers to accompany someone to HR when they want to report misconduct.
No. 03Boundary Violations
Boundary Testing
When someone deliberately pushes against your stated boundaries to see if you’ll enforce them.
What it looks like
Continuing to message you after you’ve asked for space, or making repeated jokes about something you’ve said makes you uncomfortable.
No. 04Context & Dynamics
Bystander Silence
When people witness something inappropriate but choose not to step in, speak up, or acknowledge it. Sometimes they, too, freeze, as they don’t know what to say, or hope someone else will act. While it might feel safer in the moment, staying silent can make the situation harder for the person affected.
What it looks like
During a team dinner, someone makes an inappropriate joke at your expense. A few colleagues laugh awkwardly, while the rest avoid eye contact and say nothing.
No. 05Context & Dynamics
Clique Culture
A workplace or social environment where exclusive groups dominate interactions, often excluding others.
What it looks like
A person of colour joins a new team where most socialising happens in a tight-knit group of white-dominant colleagues who share the same hobby. They are rarely invited to these gatherings, and important work updates are often discussed there before official meetings.
No. 06Your Internal Dialogue
Conflict Avoidance
A tendency to avoid confrontation or tension, even if it means ignoring your own needs or boundaries. People may do this to keep the peace, protect relationships, or avoid potential backlash, but over time it can cause stress and resentment.
What it looks like
A colleague makes you uncomfortable with a joke, but instead of speaking up, you pretend to laugh and change the subject.
Almost half (47%) of UK employees experiencing conflict at work reported that they ‘just let it go’, while fewer than a third (29%) discussed it with their manager or HR (CIPD, 2024). Source
No. 07Boundary Violations
DARVO
Short for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. A common defence tactic where the person accused of harmful behaviour first denies it happened, then attacks the person speaking up, and finally reverses the roles to make themselves seem like the victim. This can leave the real victim feeling confused, guilty, or silenced.
What it looks like
You tell a colleague that their repeated comments about your appearance are inappropriate. They reply, “I never said that! — well, not like that anyway. Also, if you were uncomfortable, why didn’t you say something earlier? Now you’ve just made things really awkward.”
No. 08Response Tactics
Documentation
Keeping detailed records of inappropriate behaviour or boundary-crossing incidents. Notes, emails, screenshots, and dates can help you remember what happened and provide evidence if you decide to escalate the matter.
What it looks like
You keep a dated log of repeated inappropriate jokes from a colleague, along with copies of related emails.
No. 09Your Internal Dialogue
Downplaying
Telling yourself or others that a boundary-crossing behaviour is “not a big deal” or “just a joke” in order to avoid conflict, discomfort, or attention. While it can feel like the easier choice in the moment, it can minimise your own feelings and allow the behaviour to continue.
What it looks like
You dismiss a colleague’s repeated unwanted comments as “just them being friendly” or “that is just how they are,” even though they make you uncomfortable.
No. 10Your Internal Dialogue
Emotional Labour
The effort of managing your own emotions, and often the emotions of others, while handling difficult or uncomfortable situations. This can mean staying calm, friendly, or “professional” even when you’re upset or under pressure. Sometimes called invisible workplace responsibilities.
What it looks like
You show up to after-work drinks even though you’re tired and uneasy about a colleague’s recent behaviour, because you don’t want to seem difficult or make things awkward for the team.
Female employees in the UK are almost 3 times more likely to be asked to ‘make tea’ in the office (Samsung, 2022). Source
No. 11Response Tactics
Escalation
Taking a concern or complaint to a higher level when earlier attempts to address it haven’t worked or feel unsafe. This can mean going to a manager, HR, or even an external authority. It can help to first make yourself aware of your organisation’s policy. If you don’t feel comfortable going alone, you can ask a trusted colleague or peer to accompany and support you.
What it looks like
After telling a colleague several times to stop making certain jokes, you bring the issue to HR because the behaviour hasn’t changed.
No. 12Response Tactics
External Support
Getting help from outside your immediate workplace or social circle. This could be a union, professional association, legal advisor, counsellor, or a trusted friend or family member.
What it looks like
After facing repeated boundary violations, you speak to a union representative to understand your options before making a formal complaint.
No. 13Your Internal Dialogue
Freeze Response
An automatic reaction where your body and mind “freeze” in the moment, making it hard to speak or act. This is a common stress response, just like fight or flight.
What it looks like
When a colleague makes an inappropriate comment, you find yourself unable to respond until long after the moment has passed.
No. 14Boundary Violations
Gaslighting
A form of manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own memory, perception, or judgement. Over time, this can make you feel confused, powerless, and less likely to speak up.
What it looks like
You raise a concern about a teammate taking credit for your work, and they say, “That’s not how it happened though? You might confuse that with someone else.”
A 2019 poll found that almost 60% of respondents aged 18–54 had experienced gaslighting during their working lives (MHR, 2019). Source
No. 15Boundary Violations
Harmful Stereotyping
Applying oversimplified or biased beliefs to someone based on their identity, reducing them to a single trait or assumption. This can limit opportunities and create unfair treatment.
What it looks like
A new colleague assumes you’re in marketing rather than engineering based on how you look. Or your manager suggests you skip a client meeting because “they might prefer someone more local.”
No. 16Context & Dynamics
Intersectionality
How different aspects of a person’s identity — such as race, gender, sexuality, disability, or class — can overlap and create unique experiences of discrimination or privilege. This lens helps explain why two people facing a similar situation may be affected in very different ways.
What it looks like
A woman of colour in a male-dominated workplace may experience sexism and racism at the same time, which shapes how she is treated and how safe she feels speaking up.
A 2023 McKinsey study found that Black, Bangladeshi and Pakistani women fare worse than white women and than men of the same backgrounds across both pay and labour participation. Source
No. 17Your Internal Dialogue
Learned Helplessness
When you encounter repeated negative experiences, you may start to feel like you have no control over the outcome, even when you could take action. Over time, this can stop you from trying to change the situation.
What it looks like
After having multiple reports of mistreatment ignored, you stop speaking up because you believe nothing will change.
No. 18Response Tactics
Mediation
Seeking help from someone who can step in to guide a conversation and help resolve a conflict. This could be a manager, HR, or a trained mediator — someone both sides are willing to talk to — who can keep the discussion constructive and help find a way forward.
What it looks like
Two colleagues who’ve had ongoing tension agree to meet with a senior team member who can mediate the conversation so they can address the issues and agree on next steps.
No. 19Boundary Violations
Microaggression
Subtle, often unintentional behaviours or comments that convey bias or reinforce stereotypes, especially toward marginalised groups.
What it looks like
A colleague says, “Your English is so good!” in a surprised tone. In meetings, you’re always asked to take notes even when you’re not the most junior. People also shorten or twist your ethnic name into a nickname they think is funny or affectionate.
Research in 2024 found that 1 in 3 UK employees had experienced at least one form of microaggression or discriminatory behaviour from their manager in the previous six months (MHFA).
No. 20Boundary Violations
Negging
A manipulative tactic where someone gives a backhanded compliment or mild insult to undermine your confidence and make you seek their approval.
What it looks like
Common in dating but it happens at work too. A colleague may say, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to handle that meeting so well.” Another time: “You’re actually pretty organised for someone your age.”
No. 21Response Tactics
Pausing
Delaying your response in a conversation or situation to give yourself time to think, regulate emotions, or decide on the best course of action. Pausing can also be used as a tactic: asking someone to clarify what they mean by a borderline comment prompts them to pause and reassess it themselves.
What it looks like
When a colleague makes a questionable remark, you ask, “What do you mean by that?” before deciding how to respond. Or you say, “I need to think about that and get back to you,” when faced with a request you’re unsure about.
No. 22Your Internal Dialogue
People Pleasing
Prioritising others’ comfort, approval, or needs over your own, even when it leaves you feeling overworked, resentful, or overlooked. People-pleasing can be driven by a desire to avoid conflict, be liked, or meet unspoken expectations, but it often means ignoring your own limits.
What it looks like
You take on extra work from a colleague because they “really need the help,” even though you’re already overloaded and it means staying late all week. You agree to attend a social event you don’t want to go to because you’re worried saying no will disappoint your manager.
No. 23Context & Dynamics
Power Imbalance
When one person in a situation has more influence, authority, or control than another. This makes it harder for the less powerful person to assert their boundaries.
What it looks like
Your manager controls which team members get high-profile projects and invites to networking events, so you hesitate to challenge them when they cross a line. Or, as a junior employee, you’re paired with a senior colleague who sets meeting agendas and dominates the conversation, leaving you little room to voice concerns.
No. 24Response Tactics
Reframing
Shifting your perspective on a situation to reduce pressure, open new options, or find a healthier way to respond. Reframing can help you see the situation in a way that gives you more agency or makes it easier to act.
What it looks like
When a colleague demands an answer immediately, instead of thinking, “I have to respond right away or I’ll look indecisive,” you reframe it as, “I’m allowed to take time so I can give a thoughtful answer.”
No. 25Boundary Violations
Retaliation
When someone punishes or treats you differently because you spoke up about mistreatment, refused an inappropriate request, or enforced a boundary. Retaliation can be overt, like removing responsibilities, or subtle, like social exclusion.
What it looks like
After you report a colleague’s inappropriate comment, you’re left out of important meetings and lose a project you were promised. In another case, a co-worker stops collaborating with you after you asked them to stop making jokes at your expense.
No. 26Response Tactics
Scripted Response
Preparing short, clear phrases in a communication style that feels natural to you, so you can respond to inappropriate behaviour, intrusive questions, or uncomfortable requests without freezing up. These scripts act as ready-to-use tools when you’re caught off guard.
What it looks like
You prepare a few go-to lines for common situations, such as “I’d rather not discuss that at work” if someone raises an intrusive question, or “I’ll need to check my capacity before agreeing” when you’re given last-minute tasks. You can design the exact wording to match your own speaking style so it feels comfortable and authentic.
No. 27Your Internal Dialogue
Self-Doubt
Questioning your own judgement, abilities, or perception, especially after experiencing repeated dismissal or minimisation of your concerns.
What it looks like
You wonder if you’re overthinking or misinterpreting someone’s unclear intentions, or if you’re overreacting after having to repeat a mistreatment incident several times to different people who respond differently or don’t seem to see it as a big deal.
No. 28Response Tactics
Strategic Withdrawal
Making a deliberate choice to step away from a conversation, situation, or relationship that feels unsafe, unproductive, or harmful. This isn’t about avoiding the issue — it’s about preserving your wellbeing and choosing when and how to re-engage on your own terms.
What it looks like
During a heated meeting where your concerns are being dismissed, you say, “I think we should pause this conversation and revisit it later,” and leave to cool down. Or, after repeated microaggressions from a colleague, you decide to limit unnecessary interactions with them while you explore formal reporting options.
No. 29Context & Dynamics
Tokenism
When someone from an underrepresented group is included to give the appearance of equality, diversity, or fairness, without genuinely valuing their contributions or addressing systemic barriers. Tokenism often places unfair pressure on individuals to represent their entire group.
What it looks like
You’re invited to join a leadership meeting as the only woman, and most of the discussion focuses on “getting a female perspective,” but your actual suggestions on the agenda items are brushed aside. Or your company features you in marketing materials to highlight diversity but does little to address workplace biases.
No. 30Boundary Violations
Unwanted Advances
Any romantic or sexual comments, gestures, or behaviours directed at you without your consent. Unwanted advances can be verbal, non-verbal, or physical, and can create a hostile or unsafe work environment.
What it looks like
A colleague keeps making flirty remarks despite you showing disinterest, or a manager touches your arm in ways that feel uncomfortable. In another case, someone repeatedly asks you out for drinks even after you’ve said no.